


Storytime with Karkat

by GreenBird



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fingering, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Xeno, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 03:01:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenBird/pseuds/GreenBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat have storytime with the trollmance novel.</p><p>-If Dave isn’t going to get jolly over some fantasy troll getting eaten out, he is maybe going to get a little jolly over Karkat getting jolly over some fantasy troll getting eaten out.-</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storytime with Karkat

 

Dave Strider is bored.

He’d been mixing in the common block with Rose and Kanaya, who’d ignored him in favor of making matching scarves. His sister had been leaning into her vampire and giving Dave brief, weighted glances. He knows better than to get between two ladies and their private knitting time, so he’d left them to it.  The Mayor was asleep in city hall, and Terezi had sniffed her way into the lower bowels of the meteor. She was doing it more and more often, leaving Dave bored for hours on end. Sometimes she would return pretty dinged up. Any time he’d inquire, she’d pin it on the stairs. Terezi was indifferent about her accrued damages, so he’d stopped asking. Whatever she was doing down there, he wasn’t invited. Sometimes a girl needs her creepy alone time.

With all of his entertainment options occupied, Dave was left with his favorite last resort.

When Karkat isn’t sprawled awkwardly on a mountain of horns, or bitching around the common block, or glaring into space on the rooftop- he’s holed up in his room. Karkat’s respiteblock is a floor beneath all the others, tucked down its own hallway. Dave made sure to stomp down the corridor, slapping his palm off of the cold metal walls. Announcing his arrival is more for annoyance than courtesy; the echoes are exceptionally loud in Karkat’s room.

His door’s locked, but that is more of an invitation than a deterrent. It takes three attempts, (and yes, attempt number two almost ends with him sprawled on his ass) but Dave manages to kick the door in.

Karkat doesn’t even look up from his husktop. He’s hunched over at his desk, clicking sluggishly, one hand cupping his chin.

“Vantas,” Dave announces, red and caped and casually leaning on a newly dented doorframe, “snap to. It’s fuckin storytime.”

It’s obvious the troll is bored as well, because he almost forgets to sound spiteful when he speaks. “Yes, because no one could ever have something else to do that is important and shouldn’t be interrupted by your petulant pleas for attention.”

Dave, naturally, ignores all this and sits in a pile of laundry. It is a suspiciously permanent fixture in the room, and only seemed to appear after Dave’s invasions of Karkat’s space.

“You cannot tell me you don’t want to read me your trashy troll tales, your arousing alien antidotes, your exotic erotic…”

“Stop.” Karkat swivels in his chair, book already in hand. He brandishes it at Dave, ready to stop the tirade with a brick of a romance novel. Its cover shines purple and red and nauseating, all billowing hair and pert nipples. Thing of beauty.

“You’re so easy, man.” Dave smirks, sprawling back into the laundry pile. Karkat kicks the bottom of his shoe.

“I can’t help it if you wear on me like a chafing bulgestrap. Now where the fuck were we?”

“Chapter seven. Hop to it, smut peddler.”

Karkat flips him off before carding through the pages. Rose had read the book before him, hell if he knew how, as it was written in complete troll jibberish. Seer shit, most likely. Hell, she probably learned Alternian just for the occasion. Rose seemed extremely entertained when she learned Karkat was reading it aloud. She’d asked just yesterday where they were in the plot, and when Dave told her, she’d winked. That was an omen for storytime if he ever saw one, but he’d be damned if he let his sister scare him away from the most beautiful fuckup of a romance novel the universe had to offer.

Karkat finds their page and clears his throat. “Alright. Chapter Seven: ‘In Which Our Hero Encounters Several Social Reminders of His Lowblood Status While Attempting to Attain Honest Work, and Has a Semi-Public Fight and Intimate Private Instance with His Kismeses…”- Dave sort of tunes the rest of that title out. What was the point of telling the reader the entirety of the plot before the actual book? The scene, of course, starts up exactly as the summary said it would, by being incredibly boring.

There is a long, drawn-out passage about socio-political implications of a lowblood and a highblood being involved and blahblahblah, and then an over-dramatic romanticizing of kismetitude, ad nauseam. Karkat is already into it, Dave can tell. He’s pausing in all the right places, making faces, emphasizing words. He has more fun watching Karkat read than he does listening alien political bullshit. When they first started this horror show, he was worried Karkat was going to start drawing grids for Terezi based off of the book’s example of flip-flopping hatelove bullshit the troll so admired. Surprisingly, Karkat hadn’t brought the subject since that first fiasco, not even with the fantasy drama to encourage him. He seemed to have dropped it, and Dave was just fine with that, thank you very much. That mess was complicated enough.

Karkat narrates through a few more pages, and Dave wonders if Rose’s scandalous winking was just another jibe at him. He starts to fuzz out when his narrator suddenly stumbles, stops, and flips pages hastily.

“Whoa.” Dave throws a hand up. “Wait just a second reading rainbow, what’s with the editing?”

Karkat shrugs, not looking up. “Fuck off. It’s just some boring interaction…”

“Oh, we’re skipping the boring parts? We’re doing that? Because, man, I should have told you that I could have happily gone the last 20 minutes without the melodramatic horseshit that Aldy was hem-hawing about”

“That wasn’t horseshit, that was important for developing the scene!” Karkat snaps, shaking the book at him. “The hemospectrum is romanticized in this, but it’s very real and…”

“Yeah, man and there has been at least three passages of that shit already. Warm is low, cool is high and hot pink is the queen shit. Rainbow racism. Got it.” Dave waves him off, and leans in closer. Karkat’s still not making shades-to-eye contact. Curiosity is peaked. “What’d you skip?”

“Nothing!”

Dave serves his best whine. “Comeon, Karkles…”

Karkat never lasts long under that particular assault; something about the pitch drives him nuts. Dave doesn’t even need to resort to nasally begging; Karkat caves under the impending threat. “Ugh, shut up! You sound like a wounded meowbeast. It’s a romance scene, you festering meatsack.”

Oh. Fuck. Yes. “This entire pile of garbage is a romance scene. Was it too Moulin Rouge for you? Was there an ankle exposed? Did a finger brush teat?” Okay, really, he is a little excited, because if Karkat skipped it, it must be gorgeous. “What hot steamy troll action did you just deny me, here? I thought you were all about education, Karkat? I thought you were going to teach me the ways of your people.”

“What the fuck is a teat, you nooksucker?” The troll throws his hands up again, managing to dramatically rock in his chair. “I read the last erotic scene- the one between Megrez and Rasala, and the one between Rasala and Aldran before that.”

“Yes, I loved the soft edges. It was all very romantic. Flowers and orgasmic sighs and a bursting cornucopia of nauseating metaphors.” Daytime soap operas were fucking salacious compared to the ‘erotic’ scenes Karkat had read to him. “And don’t shit me on the Meg and Ras scene, that was just aggressive lesbian makeouts. I’ve walked into more graphic shit on this meteor.”

Karkat blinks and flushes a darker grey, and Dave counts it as a victory, even though recalling that incident with Rose hurts him more than it does Karkat. That was not something he needed to refresh in his mental browser, but hell, there it was. Deed done.

“This is different,” Karkat says, resituating himself into a mockery of composure. He manages to give Dave a critical eye. “And, it’s two males, so I don’t think you’d be all that interested.”

Wow, Dave’s almost maybe a little offended by that. “Thank you for considering my rampaging homophobia. I am so glad that you’ve compromised this fine piece of artwork for the sake of my ramrod shrinking. You are a true friend, a darling gentleman, now fuck off. I signed up for this steaming shitshow, and by god, I will have the full effect of my actions, so help me.”

“Shut up. I’m not reading it.”

“Please Mr. Vantas!” Dave throws himself back onto laundry mountain. The gesture is perhaps a little more dramatic than Karkat’s exasperated rocking. He tosses his hands over his head to ad to the despair. “Please pick your panties out of your refined ass!”

“No.”

“But seriously,” ha, butt, “you’ve read a scene between Aldy and Rukbutt before, dude. As I remember there was some vicious man-loving there and you were just fine letting me know how that was getting down.”

“Aldran and Rukbat, wastechute.” They were on an ass roll here. “And that scene ended early. Tastefully.” In other words, things had faded to black before things had turned black. Dull.

“So that mean this one is tastelessly tasty?”

Karkat tries to eat his lips. “I didn’t say that.”

That’s fucking beautiful. “You’re afraid of reading me porn? Are you for real?” Karkat’s glare intensifies. It only encourages Dave. “Is it saucy? Is there bodice ripping? Oh, tell me Aldran loses that silk nightmare of a pirate shirt.”

Karkat turns the look down to the book in his lap, as if it’s betrayed him. “And then some.”

“You cannot deny me now, I must have it.” Dave leans forward to assume the listening position. “Mr. Vantas, you wouldn’t deny a lady her one night of pleasure, would you?” He fans himself. “Don’t leave me like this, Mr.Vantas! You’ll make a woman hysterical! However shall I manage to survive without…”

  _“Rukbat held Aldran against the wall.”_ Karkat announced, running over Dave’s Southern belle routine, _“his powerful hands against Aldran’s wide-set shoulders.”_ Karkat looks annoyed, but he’s reading, so that is a victory on Dave’s part _. “The highblood’s skin was soft from his servant’s diligent pampering, but his touch was hard and grip unbreakable.”_

“Do go on!” Dave’s enjoying this particular shtick, and the way it is making Karkat’s eyelid twitch.

_“The indigo smelled of the most expensive spices, his musk wafted and consumed Aldran’s senses, wrapped him in a haze. His stomach tightened in excitement, and he pressed his hips forward in a brazen invitation. It was below his station to solicit himself in such a way, and he had hope that he would receive a just punishment. He showed his gleaming teeth by ways of antagonizing his kismeses. Rukbat’s claws pricked the skin of his shoulders in retaliation, and lowly orange bled out against the silken shirt.”_

“Not the shirt!”

Karkat’s expression becomes one of sheer determination.

_“’So insolent,’ the indigo growled, ‘you are a fool, but you are brave to make me so eager.’ The Highblood leaned down and licked into Aldran’s waiting mouth, but his kiss was not as violent as his now-retreating claws. ‘But oh, my brave fool, I will have you,’ Rukbat purred, brushing his cool lips against the warmth of the bronze-blood’s neck,”_

Now comes the biting, Dave knows this much. Kissynemesises, or whatever, bite and claw and generally beat each other bloody before getting to the buckets. Not that there has been any buckets, yet. He prepares a dramatic outburst at the violence that is to come.

 _“But not,”_ Karkat says, dipping his voice a little in what Dave sincerely hopes is an attempt to imitate the character, _“not like that.”_

Then things actually change.

It takes Dave a minute to realize that this particular scene is not going to some sloppy hate-makeouts. Things between the main characters are becoming friendly fast- as in, actually friendly. So, this is what Karkat was referring to with flip-flopping. By the time Rukbat sinks to his knees and starts peeling down Aldran’s pants, he’s also aware that this is a legitimate graphic sex scene chuck full of nook adoration.

Dave finds himself fairly quiet, because okay, porn. Karkat’s on a roll now, and far be it from him to keep a friend from reading graphic twat-tonguing.

  _“ ‘Look at you,” Rukbat hummed against Aldran’s glistening thigh, his lips painted in bronze liquid, stark contrast to his bright indigo eyes, “you’re drenched.’_ ”

Dave feels something flutter in his belly, and he smashes down on it hard. He fucking refuses to be turned on by what is essentially gay alien cunnilingus.

_“Rukbat ran his tongue up against Aldran’s folds, gently pressing inward, so slowly. He had never been so gentle, had never taken so much care. The muscle curled inside of him, stroking his interior walls. Aldran writhed in desperation as he felt Rukbat hum at his pleasure. The vibration shook him to his roots, and his legs quivered in weakness._

“ _Rukbat took pity on him…_ ” it is not hard to notice the way Karkat’s voice hitches on that particular word. It is even easier to notice how he takes that moment to cross his legs. Dave wants to talk his way through this, mock it for the awful porn it is, but he might be in a state of shock. “ _Rukbat took pity on him, and guided his leg over his shoulder, spreading him wider for his mate’s exploration. Aldran let his hands run gently over Rukbat’s horns, stroking the stony smoothness to the base, and rubbing where they met his scalp. The Highblood’s moan echoed into Aldran’s body, and he felt his nook tighten in pleasure. He began to rock his hips, bearing down on his mate’s giving mouth. When Rukbat pulled away, Aldran cried out, bereft._

 _“The highblood looked up at him, licking his lips to treasure his mate’s most intimate flavors. ‘You’re so beautiful.’_ ” Karkat actually shivers. It’s surreal. If Dave isn’t going to get jolly over some fantasy troll getting eaten out, he is maybe going to get a little jolly over Karkat getting jolly over some fantasy troll getting eaten out. _“Rukbat took in the sight of his mate, quivering and wet, thighs slick with bronze, nook open and hungry for his attentions, bulge swollen and begging before him. Aldran’s eyes were wide with lust, and his chest heaved with desire._

_“’Pitiful.” Rukbat sighed in awe, and leaned forward to take the very tip of the bronze-blood’s bulge into his mouth. He was cautious with his teeth, not intent to hurt him, and laved slavishly upon him. Aldran cried out in joy at the adoration.”_

Karkat is gripping the book tighter than what would ever be necessary, and his legs are becoming a knotted vice. Dave notices this because he’s staring at Karkat’s thighs. Hell, the book had an emphasis on thighs, loved thighs. Slick thighs, quivering thighs, spread thighs. Dave was simply following a theme.

_“Rukbat’s attentions drifted downward again, his mouth pressing inward into Aldran’s slick cavern, encouraging his mate to spread himself further. Aldran’s leg curled over the Highblood’s back, the heel of his foot urging him inward. His hips began to rock in earnest, grinding against his partner’s doting mouth.”_

 Karkat is reading him facefucking. Karkat is reading him facefucking and is nearly repeating the motions while he does it.

 _“ ‘Oh,’ cried Aldran, fisting his hands in the Highblood’s mane of hair, forcing his tongue deeper inside him,“Oh please, please.”_ Karkat is gasping out Aldran’s lines, and Dave is very confused whether he is acting anymore. _“You feel so good. Yes, yes, yes!”_ And then Aldran just fucking cums on Rukbat’s face, and Karkat reads out every drenched detail in deep, purring sentences.

Dave’s lips are pressed into a tight line. He’d love to make a comment, but that would snap Karkat out of his pornographic stupor, and he’s not risking that. It’s a good thing that he had the foresight to pull a wad of laundry into his lap, because fuck him if he didn’t get a stiffy over Karkat’s rendition of troll Fabio eating out troll Johnny Depp.

Karkat is breathing is heavy, but he’s got a stubborn streak that apparently bleeds into erotic narration, because he continues.

_“Rukbat leaned away from him, kneeling on the ground. His palm pressed to his own arousal, the fabric over his bulge was dark and stained with eagerness. His claws peeled the garment away, revealing his extended bulge, heavy with genetic material. It shone a vibrant indigo in his palm, twisting and desperate.”_

Twisting? Twisting. Goddamnit. That’s a tentacle dick. Manginas and tentacle dicks. Trolls are hentai come to life. Speaking of wet crotches, Karkat is wiggling in his chair, and Dave can just guess the humidity level in his pants is somewhere between Louisiana summer and tropical rainforest. He’s having a hard time keeping his eyes off of said crotch. He’s probably soaking the seat.

 _“ ‘Please, my love, please take me inside you.’ ”_ Karkat is hazy-eyed and ruddy and not paying Dave a modicum of attention _. “Aldran kneeled down to straddle Rukbat’s thighs, spreading himself wide over his lap. His nook was open and welcoming, eager for his partner’s trollhood. ‘Yes,’ the bronze-blood moaned, licking at Rukbat’s mouth, ‘fill me.’_

 _“Rukbat groaned and let his dripping bulge curl and press inward, gentle. Aldran whined against his mouth, begging, and he relented, entering him with a long, strong slide. Aldran’s head flew back, mouth open in a…_ oh!”

It’s breathy, not a shout. He expected a shout. Dave would have shouted if someone had wormed their hand up between his thighs and had fingers tucked up against his crotch.

Karkat sets the book down and Dave wiggles his fingers. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.” And that’s really all that Dave can manage before he has a lap full of troll. The force of descending alien teenager knocks them back into the laundry pile, and he gets about a second to see how blown Karkat’s pupils are before he’s got his face buried into Dave’s neck and his arms are wrapped around his shoulders. Dave, of course, has his hands full of surprisingly choice ass, and he doesn’t even need to pull Karkat against him to encourage a bit of friendly frottage, because Karkat’s instantly grinding down in a way that can only be seen as a healthy mix of aggressive and blindly horny. The troll’s mouth is hot and wet and under Dave’s ear, and there’s teeth scraping and Dave absolutely does not squeak at the onslaught. He does not.

“Jesus, dude,” he groans, and Karkat bites harder in response. He jerks under his teeth, but it’s not the bite that hurts, it’s the fucking material of his pajamas. They’re soft and comfy under normal circumstances, but not when they’re getting attacked by enthusiastic troll humping. He can feel the damp heat of Karkat’s soaked jeans bleeding through the fabric, but the wetness does nothing to help the situation, but he’s so not willing to stop now.

Really, he could have maneuvered them with a little more finesse, and Karkat snarls at him for rolling them sideways and separating their groins. Dave is quick to gain forgiveness; now that they’re laying next to each other he’s got an easier path down Karkat’s ridiculously tight pants. The buttons pop with ease and Karkat catches on in a second and lifts his hips, spreading his legs. The zipper gives and Dave’s hand enters a whole new world. Apparently is a tropical one, because wow is he wet.

Whatever a bulge is, it’s pretty fucking happy to meet him; it’s practically giving him a handshake. It’s long and slick and wrapped around him and holy shit he wants to introduce it to his dick. They would be best friends. He gives it a hello squeeze and Karkat curses out something like encouragement.

Dave really doesn’t know the best groping methods for troll junk, so he stays with the old standby of gentle rubbing. Karkat makes a low cricket noise that is weird but not at all displeased, so that’s a good sign. Apparently all that graphic nook worship put him into a certain mood, because Karkat grabs Dave’s forearm and pushes his hand south.

Having a detailed description of a nook dictated to him really didn’t properly prepare him at all, because what is under his fingers is alien and amazing. Karkat is drenched, he can hear his fingers sliding over him, the wet tack audible over their combined heavy breathing and churring. He takes a second to feel his way around and manages to slip just the tip of his finger a little further in. Karkat chokes and tilts his hips, and that’s a green light if Dave’s ever seen one.

He manages to get one finger in before Karkat starts grinding against his palm, keeping his deathgrip onto his forearm. Dave lets his thumb reach up to rub the base of Karkat’s bulge and it turns into a rodeo.

Karkat has his hips off the ground and Dave’s leaning over him staring and wiggling his fingers and Karkat keens when he gets another one inside him. Dave wants to lean down and lick at his neck or mouth or face or whatever, but that would mean looking away from him, and Karkat’s such a mess; red-faced and open-mouthed. Dave’s aware his glasses are half-off his face but fuck if he cares. He’s knuckle deep in hot wet mess and he’s not going to stop for anything.

A sudden palm against his dick does throw him off of his rhythm, though. Karkat’s only pressing against him, barely rubbing, but damn if that just isn’t perfect. He makes a bit of a surprised noise directly into Karkat’s mouth and pushes his groin up against the troll’s hip, trapping his hand in between them.

They manage one uncoordinated, sloppy kiss before Karkat tenses up and keens, cumming in long, shuddering waves around Dave’s fingers. The hot gush of liquid against Dave’s palm and wrist makes him groan, and, like the suave bastard he is, he promptly cums in his pants.

It takes a few moments of awkwardly breathing into each other’s faces before Dave manages to come around and withdraw his hand from its wet and warm hiding place. He stares incredibly at his dripping fingers before flopping down to the side and wiping his hand on the laundry pile, because what the fuck else is that even there for if not to be a spunk rag. He laughs weakly.

“And you were going to edit that out.” He’s huffing and sprawled and his pants feel tacky, but it’s brilliant.

Karkat sighs beside him. Dave doesn’t even need to turn his head to know he’s rolling his yes. “Not like I could avoid it, I guess.” Evidently Karkat accepts that the laundry pile as a loss, and grabs a sock from it, shoving it unceremoniously down his pants. They were such classy gentlemen. “The whole book’s like that. After chapter six it just devolves into smut.”

“No wonder Rose loved it.”

“Ngh. Ew.”

Dave tips his head to look at him and finds that Karkat’s doing the same. His shades are gone, but it hardly matters now. You cum in your pants in front of a guy, there really isn’t much more face to save. Karkat’s not one to judge though. He probably ruined the carpet. “That book’s pretty fucking awful though, I mean, ‘trollhood’?”

Karkat hums and rubs his hand over his eyes. He’s trying to screw the smile off of his face, but it’s failing. His lips are twitching. “You seemed to like it just fine.”

 _Nah_ , thought Dave, _that was all you_. Not like he would ever say that. He was in the thick of puberty; of course this was going to happen. It didn’t help that Karkat was infuriatingly hot while narrating pornography. And that he was actually tolerable to be around. And that he was sort of attractive and not related to him and not blowing him off to lurk in the dark. 

Not like he liked him, or anything.

“So the whole rest of the book is dripping with troll juices, huh?”

Karkat raises his eyebrows at him. Apparently Dave is having a hard time keeping a note of hope out of his voice, but Karkat lets it slide with a smirk. “… yeah, pretty much.”

“Awesome.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I totally tsundered right there. Fight me.
> 
> Do you have any idea how hard it was to write that romance novel? I was readying so much bad porn for inspiration. :P


End file.
